decisions...desicions

This past year has been the most incredible time in my life. I gave birth to a fabulous little girl and have had the joy of being able (barely) to stay home with her this past year. I was planning on taking my 3 month maternity leave from work and put Marley in daycare. The area where I live has a shortage in daycare facilities and, I say thankfully, I never found an opening anywhere. Not that I would have put my beautiful daughter in any place just because they had an opening. So, now a year has gone by and I am contemplating reentering the work force and becoming the American working Mom. My old employer is hiring for a part time position which will turn to full time once the real estate market turns. It is not an easy decision. There are pros and cons on both sides.

The pros:

-Marley will have an amazing amount of socialization, she gets so excited when she sees other kids. Daycare will provide her the socialization that I can't even with our once a week Mommy & Me group.
-Financially-Yes we do need the extra cash. Money is very tight and the savings are dwindling.
-My career- I have not really lost the edge yet.
-I will be able to have adult conversation almost all day long! (Not a real priority on the pros).
-The job is only 6 hours a day 5 times a week.

The cons:

-Marley will be in daycare all day and not with me. This tears at my heart strings.
-I will have to dish out $145/week for someone else to look after my child.
-It's 30 hours a week that I will not be with Marley.


So as you see the pros are greater than the cons or maybe I am trying to be too optimistic about this decision. My heart will ache now or when she's 5 and goes off to Kindergarten. I do need to make sure that it is ultimatley the right decision for Marley. So here is how it stands. The daycare I really wanted for Marley last year has 2 openings coming up. No, they can not tell me when. It could be 2 weeks it could be 2 months+. My previous employer said that they can hold the position open for me for awhile. Very nice of them to do that but I do not expect them to hold it open forever. I have decided to pursue this as we do need the money but I have decided to keep all my options open and if for any reason Marley is miserable at daycare or things just are not working out I can quit right? Right.

The funny thing about all of this is that one day I am very excited about going back to work and the next day I am terrified of leaving Marley. There doesn't really seem to be a right decision just a decision that needs to be made in light of the circumstance. So, we will see. If it's meant to be than it will happen and everyone will be happy. If it's not meant to be then well....we'll reach that road of it ever come up.